hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Are these your boobs on my camera?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
