Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
