i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
