Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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