if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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