Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My pussy is not your playground.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
