Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
