who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
