i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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