we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
