just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
