my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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