so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
