I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
