dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
