are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
