Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
