the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
just tell him i said nine months
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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