dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
