im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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