she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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