dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
