I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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