Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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