Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
