So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
