Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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