Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
