is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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