The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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