i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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