I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
