On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
