No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
