Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I AM VODKA MAN
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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