i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
