I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
as a side note pls kill me
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
