in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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