before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize