I can tuck mytits in my pants
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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