The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
