well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Your penis caused this!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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