I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
