thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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