She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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