You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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