you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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