yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
