Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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