Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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