i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize