Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
