ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i believe in u and ur pee
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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