So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
