She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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