ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Sober January is a disaster.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize