it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
it's like iHOP with fire
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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