Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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