Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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