So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
