woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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