1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
