well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
