was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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