What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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