Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
