I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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