Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
