remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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